In my previous post I discussed the value of going beyond the basics of requirements gathering by stepping into the client’s shoes as much as possible. The key is to stretch one’s imagination the way a detective might when solving a crime, or a military strategist when attempting to out-think an opponent. In this case, however, rather than framing the other as the opposition, you are working towards better serving that person or persons. The theory is that the better the model you have of your user’s or client’s experience, the more capable you are of understanding what types of change work, i.e. system enhancements, workflow, your client requires, or changes that would better enable her to do her work and meet her goals.
I am going to borrow from NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) here, because I have some training in the processes and methodologies, although you will be able to find similar strategies elsewhere, for instance in cognitive and communication sciences. I need to add a caveat here that there has been much criticism of NLP methodologies, and it is often labeled as hokey new-age mumbo jumbo. Scientific studies have supposedly proved that the assumptions of NLP are incorrect and that the methodologies have proven to be ineffective, when studied as NLP methodologies. However, when there have been scientific studies of the same processes, labeled as cognitive and behavioral sciences (where researches were unaware that they were also studying NLP processes and methodologies) they have many times proven to be effective, real patterns of human behavior. That’s the politics of science.
These same patterns and methodologies have also become the core of many behavioral and communication programs, i.e. educational, sales, and other interpersonal communication schools, often without the practitioners being aware. If you have ever heard someone talk about how a particular person is a visual vs. auditory or kinesthetic learner or communicator, that is something lifted directly from NLP.
Rapport – Matching and Mirroring
It’s obvious that when you feel as though you just click with someone that you are having a better than average communication, and that the value of that communication, whether for gaining information, or simply for personal pleasure, is far greater than usual, although people are generally at a loss to understand how this happens, and how to purposefully produce that kind of experience.
What the folks who developed NLP observed, when the studied effective communicators, is that these people would naturally match or mirror the people they were communicating with in some way. Sometimes this matching would manifest as a mirroring of body postures, the taking on a similar tone of voice, or the pace of one’s speech. Sometimes it would mean switching the sensory modality of one’s speech, by listening to the type of sensory words one was using, and use them in their own speech. For instance if someone started talking about their vision for their business, one might respond by saying “I see what you mean,” while if they said something like “the market is broadcasting and echoing various reverberations of a particular set of cycles,” one might acknowledge by saying that you hear what they are saying, and use terminology of sound and music to echo back to them. The idea is to listen for words in the speaker’s predicates that highlight a particular sensory mode , particularly visual, auditory or kinesthetic, that she is comfortable with, and use words that would reflect back the use of their particular mode of choice. And of course, the ability to actually think fluently in the particular mode your client is using is a great advantage to communication.
A sharing of similar values and interests is of course a way we may often gain rapport with someone, although in situations where we don’t know much about the person we are engaged with, we only have at our use what we can observe in the immediate present, and we have immediate access to what we can see and hear.
Mirroring the posture of that person can be a powerful way of gaining rapport, although it has be used with a degree of subtlety, else it may backfire. People are often smarter than we realize, and if the mirroring is heavy-handed your client may feel something strange is happening, may feel as though she is being manipulated without realizing what exactly is going on. But if you are careful, you can use these techniques to your advantage. It’s best to consciously practice the techniques in low-pressure and informal situations, not in contexts where a wrong move can botch things up between you and an important client. That way you can gain a comfortable fluidity and not have to think too much about what you are doing, and that way not be distracted from the content of the conversation.
You could very well discover that you may begin to feel a greater connection with the people you are working with. Rather than being the person with all the tricks and leverage in the communication act (which sometimes happens to people when they discover these techniques), you may find yourself feeling more comfortable and better connected, which is an appropriate way of using these strategies. You will also find that the way you are interpreting the information changes, that you will feel more in synch with the other, since rapport is never a one way street. It will be more than mere words. You will feel as though you both “get” each other. And what could be better when creating solutions for that person?